Mind over Mind

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I had a really tough day yesterday.  I woke up, went through my morning routine, kissed my husband goodbye as he went to work and fed Alli her first meal of the day.  

Then I just started having these thoughts that I’m not spending enough quality time with my daughter.  Even though I spend all her waking moments with her.  I then started to think about not wanting to be a mom because I felt like I’m not cut out for it.  I started thinking about how maybe I’m not doing enough for her.  I started to think about a lot of things… I had a tough day…

I cried it out.  I told my husband he needed to come home on time because I needed him.  I needed his support and his reassurances.   I needed someone to tell me that I was doing everything I can for our baby girl and that no mom is perfect.  

And then I was on Facebook trying to get my mind off things. One of my friends commented on one of my posts and gave me a compliment without knowing how I was feeling yesterday and said how I was such a great friend and listener and that I’m going to be an awesome mom.  She has no idea how badly I needed that compliment at that moment.  She brought me down from the ledge.  My mind started focusing again.  I started to realize that I’m not doing a bad job because Alli is healthy and happy and growing.  

I then started to tell myself that I’m going to be ok, that I’m able to do this. I can do this. I am doing this.  Instead of letting my mind get out of control, I took control.  Mind over mind.

Yesterday was a bad day. Today is a new day and a much better day.  

BFFs

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A great blogger, Kathy Garland from Kwoted, posted about a BFF breakup recently.  Her post made me think about a BFF I once had and how I miss that relationship.

Let’s call her X (I won’t use her real name).  X and I became good friends when we started skipping classes together in High School.  Funny how you can bond over small things.  I hated French and Data Processing classes…she just hated school.  After we graduated, we went to different community colleges, but we bonded over shopping and clubbing and having a ton of fun being young adults enjoying life.

X would sleep over sometimes because her mom would lock her out of the house.  There was this one time, we went clubbing and when we dropped her off, she couldn’t get in.  We always knew to wait in case that happened, so she slept over at my place.  Somehow her mom knew she was at my house (I only lived 3 blocks away), and came banging on our door at 8 in the morning demanding we give her back her daughter.  My aunt was visiting us from Ontario took offence to that. There was a small argument between the adults, and X slowly slumped out the door with her mom.  I was told to never hang out with her again….which only made our friendship stronger.  We told each other everything and spent countless hours together.  She was always there when I needed her.

Over the next few years, our relationship was solid, until one day it wasn’t.  Maybe because I started to settle down, I had found my Mr. Right and she was on shaky ground with her long time boyfriend…..they ended up breaking up.  I guess we didn’t have as much in common anymore.  She still wanted to go out and party and I wanted to be with my Mr. Right at home and save money.  We eventually only met up once in a blue moon for dinner…I slowly stopped calling her my best friend.

When I got engaged, I didn’t ask her to be my bridesmaid because I didn’t know if I could count on her.  She had a tendency to be too busy all the time and never had time for me anymore.  I did ask if she would like to speak at the reception, and she accepted.  Her speech was bitter sweet and we cried, laughed and hugged at what she said.  Bitter because after my marriage, we saw even less of each other.

I’ve now been married 4.5 years and I’m a mother to a 2.5month old baby.  She hasn’t met her yet.  I think I was able to tell her I was pregnant in person, at our now maybe once a year dinner.  I invited her to my baby shower, but she couldn’t come.  She did send a present for the baby.  She’s never visited the new house my husband and I purchased back in Sept. 2015.  I know I don’t call her my BFF anymore, because I can’t.  We haven’t been there for each other.  I’ve reached out so many times and I’m tired of giving so much energy and not receive anything  back.

I miss her. I hope we’ll have our once a year dinner soon. Or at least have her return one of my text messages.

Anyone Who Had A Heart…

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Did you know that millions of products we buy has palm oil in it? Did you know that because palm oil is so cheap that it’s all manufacturers want to use, even though there may be better options? Indonesians are constantly destroying their forests to plant more palms and animals are dying because of the fires or killings or they do not have a home anymore. We need to try harder to make the changes. I know I don’t try hard enough…..and we need to try harder because if we all made small changes, it can equal to be a massive change.

A mother orangutan with her little baby clinging to her approached a village in Borneo. She was looking for food her her baby as her home had been encroached on first by the villagers and then stripped bare by palm oil companies.

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A group of villagers spotted her, began throwing rocks at her and beating her with sticks.

A male orang nearby saw what was happening and tried to defend the already weakened and possibly already injured mother. He was chased away.

The villagers continued to beat the mother until she fainted. Then they tied her with ropes and tried to pull her daughter away. She rallied for a moment and tried to rescue her baby so the villagers dragged her to a pool of water and submerged her head until she passed out.

Then they threw her into a cage.

They tossed the baby in with her.

She was…

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Alli’s Photo Shoot

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I know a lot of parents may think that a professional photo shoot for a newborn isn’t worth the money.  Or maybe they can’t afford it because it can be expensive.  However, I’m not a great photographer, and even though I take a ton of photos of my baby girl everyday, I really wanted something special to cherish the newborn moments.  Alli was 8 days old when these were taken.  I’ll show you my favourites.

The following photos were taken by Celina Lam Photography.

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Cranberry Orange Muffins

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Last week I was craving muffins, and since I just bought a big bag of crasins (dried cranberries), I searched the internet for a good recipe.  I didn’t have to search very far before I ended up on the Glorious Treats website and used their muffin recipe, which is easy to follow and sounded delicious.

I thought I had all the ingredients and was really excited to bake, but then realized I didn’t have any baking powder!  I went out the next day to get some, but did not have time or the energy to bake until this rainy Sunday afternoon.  Being a mom certainly zaps the energy out of you sometimes and my baby isn’t even moving that much yet lol.

I didn’t add a couple of the ingredients, like the oil and ginger, and the muffins still came out great!  Actually, I didn’t have ginger and I forgot the oil haha!  But my husband and I still enjoyed them ☺

Meet and Greet: 1/21/17

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Meet and Greet! thanks!

Dream Big, Dream Often

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It’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!!  Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!  

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

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Secrets

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I feel very much the same way and I couldn’t have said it any better….

April's Perspective

I’ve never worried much about privacy.  I try to live honestly, and be a good person, so what is there to hide?  If you meet me tomorrow, I will not be a person different from the person you know from my writing.

My secrets, which are few, are not something I casually write about, nor talk to others about.  They are not recorded in a journal or diary.  My secrets are not on-line.  Anything I want to keep secret I keep on my heart.  If you are one who knows one of my secrets, I can only hope I have chosen well, although I am not sure that has always been the case.

I have secrets from my family, just because not everything is their business, and I am pretty sure they would not agree with my choices.  I don’t want to be in the position of having to…

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