Just Let It Be.



Lately I’ve been reflecting on what life is about. Seriously, why are we all put on this earth? What’s our purpose?  I’m not a religious person, but I do believe in a greater being and that everything happens for a reason.  So what’s the reason for us to be?  I’ve pondered and honestly, I can’t really come up with an answer and maybe there isn’t one.  We’re just supposed to be…be what? Happy? Sad? Joyful? Lonely? Put Together? Perfect?  What are we supposed to be?

I guess I’ve been thinking about this because a new mom of a 2 month baby, took her own life due to postpartum depression back in October, a month before our baby was due.  We didn’t know her personally, but we have friends who knew her and she was an amazing person.  She was being treated for post part depression (PPD), but one day she didn’t take her medication and she walked out of her house leaving her 2month old baby boy behind.  Her husband came home and the car and mother were missing.  They searched everywhere for her, found her car at her favourite spot, and it’s an assumption, but high possibility, that she jumped into the Fraser River.  Her body was found weeks later by Bowen Island.  Her name was Florence and her friends called her Flo.  Her husband spoke out a few days ago regarding her story and urging new mothers to get help if they need it.  He wants people to talk about the pressures of being a new mom and to support them as much as possible.  If you have Facebook, the family has created a group and you can read about that here.

Life is precious and sometimes new mothers just can’t bear the pressure of being the “perfect mom”, which is impossible because no one is perfect.  It’s our imperfections that make us individuals and that’s ok. PPD is a very serious issue among many new mothers and I don’t think it’s a very open discussion among out society.  At least I haven’t noticed people talking about it.  I can’t speak for the rest of the world, honestly I haven’t done much research on it, but I would like to assume that mother’s around the world would rally together to get the message out about PPD.  To talk to someone if a new mom is feeling anxious, or pressure, or that she just can’t do it all.    It’s really made me think about myself after I’ve given birth to our daughter.

For the first month, my mom was in town living with us to support our family.  She cooked, cleaned and went grocery shopping for us.  Of course, any mother daughter relationship is different, but for those who can relate, I have a VERY ASIAN MOM.  If you don’t know what that means, maybe one day I’ll write about it.  Regardless of how overbearing she may have been, I really appreciated the support she had given me.  I was too busy with dealing with my mother and new baby to even worry about my own emotions at the time.

Alli reached 10 weeks this past Thursday, so she’s just over 2 months now. This past week I’ve been super emotional about everything and anything.  The pressure of not having the house clean, doing laundry, making sure dinner is on the table, the dog is happy, the baby is happy and ‘me’ time is all catching up to me.  I get it, I can’t do it all even though I desperately want to.  So after a good cry and letting it all out I feel a bit better today.  I just need to remember to talk about my anxieties and to not worry so much that my household is a mess, or that maybe on some days I’m a mess.  I need to acknowledge my feelings and need my husband and family members to acknowledge them too.  Somedays I’m going to be sad, lonely and need a good cry.  On other days, I’ll be happy and put together, cleaned the house, prepared a great meal and had time to do the laundry.  There’s going to be good and bad days and that’s a good thing.  Is that what life is about? Experiencing the good days and bad days and getting through them.

Ok, now I’m just rambling…Maybe we’re supposed to just let it be, live life day to day, plan to have fun, feel your emotions, be in the moment.  If you need to cry, cry, if you need to laugh, then laugh!  If you’re a mess or if the house is a mess, let it be messy!

Just let it be.


15 thoughts on “Just Let It Be.

  1. At 50, I still find motherhood challenging. It is almost harder to watch your adult children make decisions you might not feel is in their best interest. There is no perfect mother, we all do the best we can with the information we have at the time, and it’s a lot of on the job training. Studies show people actually get depressed while scrolling through the posts of the lives of others, making comparisons of their lives to what they see in social media. Weird. If mothers were perfect you really wouldn’t see all of the childhood stars strung out on drugs and committing suicide. I’ve read a lot of self-help books on parenting since I came from a dysfunctional family and knew something wasn’t right! Believe it or not, I STILL had some things come up that wasn’t covered in a book, lol…I am glad I did not just “leave it be” as I wasn’t the best version of myself. I wanted to be a better mother, and better personal overall.

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    • There’s so much information out here on the internet these days I was worried I’d fall into the rabbit hole of over reading and over preparing myself and then feel even worse about myself when I became a mother. Because all I’m the type of person who does compare myself to others. So I think I would over worry that I’m not ‘doing it right’ and the pressure would break me…. with that said… Alli did have her days and nights mixed up around 8 weeks and I did ask a lot of mothers for advice and did read up on the baby whisperer.


      • The Baby Whisperer! Now that sounds fun! They didn’t exist when I had my last one 23 years ago! What type of info have you found helpful. My oldest was the same way, staying awake all night and sleeping all day. Back then the answer was to try to keep them awake in the daytime, which didn’t work! I have never been that tired on my life so I truly feel your pain!

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      • Tracy, the author, suggested shorter daytime naps. So 45mins naps and to try to keep them up for 1hr in between naps. So that they know it’s daytime. That first night she slept for 10 hours. And she’s been sleeping through he nights since! 👍 so it worked very well for us 🙂

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  2. Emotions every mother can relate to. Our world is turned upside down, in a very beautiful but very intense way. Our hormones are acting up, trying to get back to some kind of normal. We experience a lack of sleep and rest and the situation is so incredibly new and there is simply no manual to help figure out what to do and how to do it right. There are all the advices from all sides, some we like to try out, some we can’t imagine to ever use. If you struggle emotionally anyway this time of our life is hard and if you then also get hit with postpartum depression it seems impossible to escape. As you said: Nobody talks about it. So those effected feel alone and left out even more.
    I was lucky enough to not have gone through issues like this but I had my struggles too. I believe every mother does. It’s a time we have to redefine ourselves and it’s not always easy.

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    • I do find that some days I feel lost and I can’t find the joy. But then there are the days that are so special, like when she first smiled at me, or when she lifted up her head the first time. Those are the moments I hold on to and try to bring myself back from the dark days.

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      • It will get so much better in the sense as they will give you more and more back. I loved my babies but I super love my kids. I feel it’s easier emotionally as when they are so young you are the one that gives them energy all day long. When they are older that becomes much more of a giving and taking (without wanting to take but they do give as well). So you don’t “burn out” as easily. But that’s just my point of view.

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  3. Thank you very much for sharing this! It’s a good reminder for me – I’ll be a grandmother this year and this has already been a fear for me (for my daughter). She’s not quite as strong as I was (decades ago) but I already let her know that we struggled, nothing was perfect, but I worked it out and at least “I” will be here for everything and anything she needs. So sorry to hear the loss as well.
    Mrs. A, enjoy your life, clutter, messes and spills – just laugh it off and cherish the love of family! Even when your Asian mom scolds you (I have an 84 year old Latin mom) so I KNOW how that goes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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