Lately I’ve been reflecting on what life is about. Seriously, why are we all put on this earth? What’s our purpose? I’m not a religious person, but I do believe in a greater being and that everything happens for a reason. So what’s the reason for us to be? I’ve pondered and honestly, I can’t really come up with an answer and maybe there isn’t one. We’re just supposed to be…be what? Happy? Sad? Joyful? Lonely? Put Together? Perfect? What are we supposed to be?
I guess I’ve been thinking about this because a new mom of a 2 month baby, took her own life due to postpartum depression back in October, a month before our baby was due. We didn’t know her personally, but we have friends who knew her and she was an amazing person. She was being treated for post part depression (PPD), but one day she didn’t take her medication and she walked out of her house leaving her 2month old baby boy behind. Her husband came home and the car and mother were missing. They searched everywhere for her, found her car at her favourite spot, and it’s an assumption, but high possibility, that she jumped into the Fraser River. Her body was found weeks later by Bowen Island. Her name was Florence and her friends called her Flo. Her husband spoke out a few days ago regarding her story and urging new mothers to get help if they need it. He wants people to talk about the pressures of being a new mom and to support them as much as possible. If you have Facebook, the family has created a group and you can read about that here.
Life is precious and sometimes new mothers just can’t bear the pressure of being the “perfect mom”, which is impossible because no one is perfect. It’s our imperfections that make us individuals and that’s ok. PPD is a very serious issue among many new mothers and I don’t think it’s a very open discussion among out society. At least I haven’t noticed people talking about it. I can’t speak for the rest of the world, honestly I haven’t done much research on it, but I would like to assume that mother’s around the world would rally together to get the message out about PPD. To talk to someone if a new mom is feeling anxious, or pressure, or that she just can’t do it all. It’s really made me think about myself after I’ve given birth to our daughter.
For the first month, my mom was in town living with us to support our family. She cooked, cleaned and went grocery shopping for us. Of course, any mother daughter relationship is different, but for those who can relate, I have a VERY ASIAN MOM. If you don’t know what that means, maybe one day I’ll write about it. Regardless of how overbearing she may have been, I really appreciated the support she had given me. I was too busy with dealing with my mother and new baby to even worry about my own emotions at the time.
Alli reached 10 weeks this past Thursday, so she’s just over 2 months now. This past week I’ve been super emotional about everything and anything. The pressure of not having the house clean, doing laundry, making sure dinner is on the table, the dog is happy, the baby is happy and ‘me’ time is all catching up to me. I get it, I can’t do it all even though I desperately want to. So after a good cry and letting it all out I feel a bit better today. I just need to remember to talk about my anxieties and to not worry so much that my household is a mess, or that maybe on some days I’m a mess. I need to acknowledge my feelings and need my husband and family members to acknowledge them too. Somedays I’m going to be sad, lonely and need a good cry. On other days, I’ll be happy and put together, cleaned the house, prepared a great meal and had time to do the laundry. There’s going to be good and bad days and that’s a good thing. Is that what life is about? Experiencing the good days and bad days and getting through them.
Ok, now I’m just rambling…Maybe we’re supposed to just let it be, live life day to day, plan to have fun, feel your emotions, be in the moment. If you need to cry, cry, if you need to laugh, then laugh! If you’re a mess or if the house is a mess, let it be messy!
Just let it be.